Bloggers against Bullying

Disclamer: This one is a doosy folks. And it is long. And there are no pictures. Just words. Important words. 
I am linking this up with Katilda.

This is a subject I hesitate to write about.

I am scared to rip the wilted band-aid off of the wound that I have been covering up since I was very very little.

I am scared to show the very vulnerable and very insecure side of myself.
Yes, I have talked about my insecurity on my blog before. Yes, it was deep and heartfelt and tear filled.
However, nothing I have shared before holds a candle to the emotional scars of my childhood.

I am an awkward adult, no doubt about it. Public meetings make me uncomfortable; public speaking makes my heart race and makes my hands get sweaty. I stutter when I don't have the perfect words to say or even if I am unsure of what to say at all. I am constantly worried about what I look like and what the girl walking down the street is thinking of me. and my weight. and my acne. and my outfit. I often keep quite what I am thinking because I am afraid of the reaction I may get.

and for what??

As a child, this was multiplied by a million.
I always felt out of place.
I was bullied.

No one understood the girl who would sit in the corner and be completely satisfied organizing the colored bears in  1st grade.

No one understood the girl who talked to much and to loudly in 3rd grade.

No one understood the girl that was overly sensitive to any criticism and cried all the time in 6th grade.

No one understood the girl who wore the same red Aeropostale sweatshirt every day for a month to cover up the extra pounds that her other friends didn't seem to have during freshman year of high school.

No one understood the girl who balled her eyes out in front of the school store when her "friend" yelled at her and made her feel worthless in front of other people Sophomore year.

No one understood the girl who always had a camera in her hand taking pictures of people she didn't know. Asking random questions that made no sense. She was in yearbook. That was senior year.

That girl was me. You may read that and think "that's not that bad" I assure you it was my own personal hell. I hated going to school because at school there were so many faces I didn't know. So many whispers in the hallway that I wasn't involved in. There were mean kids that thought it was funny to make me hurt and say things to get me to cry. There were teachers that would tease instead of encourage and there were administrators that allowed it all to happen without any consequence. Writing this and reading it back I guess I just have severe anxiety, which makes sense but growing up I didn't have the slightest clue what that was. I just knew that I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere.

I grew up confused and scared and had a constant alone feeling.
Don't get me wrong, I did have friends. Friends I keep to this day. I love them dearly and am so thankful for them, but I am talking about the things they didn't really understand either. My insecurity.

I felt that way for a very very long time.

Until I started blogging.

I realize as I write that sentence that I sound like I didn't come into my own until 2 years ago. That actually  sounds about right.

Blogging has given me the confidence to be myself and the support I need to feel like it's ok and that there are other women in the computer all over the country world that have the same feelings that I do. Woman that are so brave to share their secrets and stories to help other women. I am constantly amazed at the sisterhood that comes with blogging.
I love that I am able to read about trials that are so similar to mine yet so personal for that writer.
I love that when I feel like it is ok to be vulnerable there is no shortage of support and encouragement from the wonderful readers of my humble blog.

The flip side to that is that adult bullying exists. Cyber bullying exists. Probably because some people are just unhappy and didn't get enough hugs as a child. Or are jealous of the success of some of the great people in blog land. But, bullying exists. It is hurtful and unnecessary  I am a firm believer that there is NO reason to say mean things to another person to hurt them. Let alone put those words into writing so that person can read them over and over again and begin to doubt them selves and slowly see a dull their sparkle.

I realize that the folks that are blog bullys probably wont think this applys to them or aren't reading anyways {because I don't allow haters on my blog} but I will write this to them anyway.

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
If you don't agree with a post that you just read. Write your own  post about the topic, think about it in your own head. Don't berate the person that took the time and energy to put those words into a post and send it out for their readers to see. There is a big difference between constructive criticism {which I also feel should be used sparingly} and just plain mean.
If you think someone has a bad haircut or took a bad photo. Keep it to yourself. You are not perfect. You have no right to judge other people.

Every human is beautiful. Everyone has their own story. If you spend your time judging the people around you, you have no chance to discover the beauty inside of them. They could have something great to teach you or an ear when you need someone to listen.

I realize this has turned into a rambling post and has strayed off topic slightly but moral of the story is, just be kind to one another. It's just the right thing to do.

I truly love you all and am so thankful to have such a strong community to lean on.